Where to begin!

A couple of years ago, I had had enough…

.. of lying.

.. of going out and getting drunk

.. of taking drugs

All to drown out the fact that

I was in pain.

The pain of feeling separate, isolated and alone.

No one talks about these feelings… like they do not exist. Most people sweep these things under the carpet and we become anesthetised to suffering.

Even though I have a beautiful daughter whom I have a great relationship with, an amazing dad and incredible friends, I still felt separate… and apart, and the only way to hide away from these feelings was to keep myself busy with work, being a mom, falling in and out of love, going out, taking recreational drugs, getting drunk… anything other than silence and sitting still with the pain.

I was doing stuff based on fear of past and future because this is what we are taught to do. It’s utterly bonkers! We are not taught to move inwards… to look at how we feel from the heart! Can you imagine if at school they said to us – “ Children… this term we will be looking inwards… to how you feel. And then next term we will guide you so that you can understand what is real – to enable you to operate from this space of present truth for the rest of your life”

Then after these loving foundations have been implemented children are facilitated to consider… ‘consider’ how they would like to be … and to be taught that this is not fixed by telling them, “You can change and ‘be’ something different as you grow and progress when, and if, you wish to. You may be a doctor today… and sometime later you may be an artist. This is perfectly OK. Just BE. You all have within you Love and you are free to express this how you feel best”

Is it fair to fix careers labels to our children knowing that life is fluid?

In adult life this causes us pain because we are forced to identify with that which we are not. Having experienced challenges in my formative years and having experienced losses through death and life, my identity has been stripped back a few times, and to me it is becoming more apparent how this is constantly in a state of crisis.

I am mixed race, dual heritage…. apparently. Being a child of the 70’s in a small town meant I was a Brown face amongst a sea of White and this created attention. But when my colour was flagged up I was ALWAYS surprised! Not sometimes – ALWAYS!!! I would think, “Oh yeah… people see my colour… not me” So I created an identity based on what others were seeing and saying. And they were creating an identity of me based on how I looked and what they were being told. My parents were placing an identity on me based on their own perceptions of life. None of which were true!

If we strip away our identity, what are we left with?

In these times of great challenges with the economic and political downfall and social uprising lots of people have been forced to face the fragility and constant change surrounding their own identities.

When I strip away all the conditioning attached to who I think I am… I am left with something very raw, yet beautiful. When I let go, knowing I can never have control over what might be, and when I forget the past, I come to a place that is very difficult to describe in words. But it has no fear or feeling of separation. When I am able to let go and fully embrace what IS this opens me up to something more truthful. If there is pain it is an energy I can face.

Fear and pain still appear, but I am beginning to recognise that it is not who I am. It comes and I know I have no interest in feeding it with the belief that it is real…  The major shift over the weekend was that I no longer wish to ‘pretend’ that everything is just fine. That none of this is apparent.

“How are you?”

“I’m good thanks. How are you?”

“Good thanks”               What a lie!!!

or

“How are you”

“I’m feeling a little bit vulnerable – thank you for asking.  I am really pleased to be opening up to my true feelings without being too concerned about what people might think, or where it might take me. I am learning to let go of all my expectation to allow myself to just be. It’s a bit tricky, I keep stumbling because I have years of conditioning, but I am happy that I have come to explore and investigate life in this way,” True!!!

A little girl called Sarah of around about 12 years old bought a pendant from me at the weekend. The pendants are called “inner treasure pendants” The one she chose read: “I exist”. When I asked her why she had chosen this pendant she said, “I want to tell the truth – and I do exist”. Out of the mouth of babes… so beautifully simple.

On that note – Big love to the wonderful Sarah walking around telling the truth… I applaud you and follow in your footsteps.

Reverend Robert West.

The above statement is being used to support the BNP’s campaign for Carlos Cortiglia to be the new London Mayor.

Does Reverend Robert West not appreciate that Islamic teaching from the heart is no different from Christian teachings from the heart. Both can be peaceful or a threat dependent on each individuals humble or extreme approach. I would vote for unity, not separation. Surely we should be moving towards a positive energy not one laden with fear. Our differences are to be celebrated and enjoyed. Isn’t this our learning?

Being mixed race – Jamaican and English – has given me the experience of two cultural identities, both of which I love, but at the same time diluted, thereby loaning me a more objective point of view. How much of our identity defines who we truly are? Does your heritage hold a fixed representation of you? How much of our identity is useful and where does it become destructive? History has shown us that to enforce identity onto others or to strip a person identity brings about war and cleansing. Something the majority of us agree, makes for a constricted, unhealthy and unhappy social foundation.

Recently I was in Jamaica, where I got to experience a national pride, which is different from that in England. The BNP would have you believe there is no British pride, but there is.

However, the British has some history that it cannot be proud of.

There is now a cultural mix here that White Britain played a major role in creating. The pride here has shifted from what it was – but this is OK. And threats should be treated in isolation not given to a whole cultural group. Christians and Muslims have been living side by side peacefully for many years in the Middle East.

The proud faces of Britain are made up of different colours. The sooner we embrace this fact the sooner we can enjoy it.

Signing out – Proud (took me a while) Brown British / Jamaican – Joyce Treasure…. please note this is a mere label, just a name and a description and not who I truly am – but that’s leading on to a different matter.

The boy thought about it, and asked, “Grandfather, which wolf wins?”

The old man quietly replied, “The one you feed”

Sounds like a great idea, and some words are well worth sharing.

Oh how I just love good text!

When I moved into my new home just over 2 years ago… one of the reasons for moving was to free up my overheads, so that I could afford time to paint and create. But one of the questions when I got here was, where would this happen? Renting studio space was out of the question, so I followed the advice of a friend and converted my shed into a workshop.

Anyone who is looking for extra space, this is a cost effective way to work outside of the home. The shed was already here when I moved in… so that saved me, well,…. the cost of a shed.

With material and labour the conversion was around about £650. This included getting electricity fitted, and as you can see it is insulated, so it takes around about 15-mins to warm the space with an electric heater. And if you have the time and skills to do it yourself… it will cost you even less.

For more tech rundown on how to convert a shed, check out http://www.shedworking.co.uk/.  The pod sheds on this site are great!!

And here is a fab shed poem by Sarah Salway

Two weeks ago I took part in one of Jamie Catto’s “What About You” workshops, along with 40 other lovely makers and groovers. Not only did I walk away with a whole artist network of inspirational people for potential collaborations, but I also came away with a creative openness. Meaning there was space within to realise that there is nothing holding you back other then your mind. In fact I read something recently that sums it up perfectly: “The only thing standing between you and your goals is the bullshit story you keep telling yourself as to why you can’t achieve it”

The two-day workshop was a superb balance between practical tools to move forward with a project, alongside a more esoteric unlocking of the creative and personal genius within. I almost didn’t go. I had said to myself… why do I need another creative unlocking – I’m totally unlocked? I have creativite juices oozing out of every orifice. But if you are like me and work mainly from home then those old stories can creep in and shed doubt around the edges of your mind. Of course the best way to get on with it… is to just get on with it! But if you feel a little stale and an idea or a dream you had/have is slipping away then I highly recommend Jamie’s workshops as a great way to either reactivate a goal, or stimulate a new one

A couple of days after the workshop, I submitted one painting and one illustration into WOMA; women make art. Below is the illustration I submitted. A couple of friends really liked this and asked if they could buy one… which was great news for me. So I have decided to produce a limited print of 50. You can visit my Etsy shop for more information on size, materials and price by clicking HERE.

I am very excited about some of the new ideas I have that I will continue to post here, or if you have subscribed and signed up to ‘sneak previews’ I will let you know as and when.

It would be great if you like my work to share with your network, as this is one of the best ways for me to reach a wider audience. So do share and spread the word, painting or illustration. The power of social networking!

Thank you for reading.

One Love  x

i only ever wish to share my light

i am faceted

there are many sides to me

i do not rely on one

i play with them all

this is fun and i love me for being myself

and when i am not myself – i love myself for hiding, for being oblivious, and for seeing

Happy Chinese New Year. 2012 is the year of the Dragon. People born under the Dragon are passionate, brave and self-assured.

Chinese New Year celebrations lasts 15 days, from the first day during a new moon – to the 15th day, a full moon. Each day holds a special significance that varies according to local traditions. It is a time when families get together and feasts on specially prepared food.

The Chinese New Year is a chance to leave the problems of the previous year behind. It is important to start the New Year fresh, so clean your house and buy new clothes.

… or decorate your home in fine art prints!! . Looking ahead with a positive start, I have created an online shopping page, which allows you to buy prints easily through my brand new Etsy shop.

But back to the exciting Chinese New Year… In the West, the dragon is seen as a fierce creature that breathes fire and destruction, but the Chinese dragon is a benevolent animal that is revered as a protector against evil.

There are a several legends as to how the animals were chosen for the Chinese zodiac – after searching a few I have chosen this one as it is my favorite –

“Long ago, in China, the Jade Emperor decided there should be a way of measuring time. On his birthday he told the animals that there was to be a swimming race. The first twelve animals across the fast flowing river would be the winners and they would each have a year of the zodiac named after them. ‘Of course’ said the kind ox. ‘Just climb on my back and I will take you across.’

The rat and the cat quickly jumped up and were very excited when the ox soon took the lead in the race. They had almost reached the other bank when the rat pushed the cat into the river leaving him to struggle in the water. Then just before the ox was about to win the race the rat leapt on his head and on to the bank to finish first.

‘Well done,’ said the Jade Emperor to the proud rat. ‘The first year of the zodiac will be named after you.’

The poor ox had been tricked into second place and the second year of the zodiac was named after him.

Shortly after the exhausted tiger clawed his way to the river bank to claim third place. Swimming across the river had been an enormous struggle for him against the strong currents. The Emperor was so delighted with his efforts that he named the third year after him.

Next to arrive was the rabbit, who hadn’t swum across at all. He hopped across on some stepping stones and then found a floating log which carried him to the shore.

‘I shall be very happy to call the fourth year after you,’ the surprised Jade Emperor explained.

Just then a kind dragon swooped down to take fifth place.

‘Why didn’t you win the race, as you can fly as well as swim?’ the Jade Emperor asked.

‘I was held up because some people and animals needed water to drink. I needed to make some rain,’ the dragon explained. ‘Then when I was nearly here I saw a poor little rabbit on a log in the water and I blew a puff of wind so that the log would float to the river bank.’

‘Well that was very kind of you and now you are here you will have the fifth year of the zodiac named after you.’

The next thing the Jade Emperor heard was the sound of the horse’s hooves. Just as he was thinking the horse would be the next animal to arrive, a sneaky snake wriggled out from around one of the horse’s hooves. The horse was so surprised that he jumped backwards giving the snake a chance to take the sixth place in the race. The poor horse had to be satisfied with seventh place.

Not long afterwards a raft arrived carrying the goat, the monkey and the rooster. They explained to the Emperor how they had shared the raft that the rooster had found. The goat and monkey had cleared weeds and pushed the raft to the shore. The Emperor was very pleased that the animals had worked together. He said the goat would be the eighth zodiac animal, the monkey the ninth and the rooster the tenth.

The next animal to finish was the dog.

‘Why are you so late when you are one of the best swimmers?’ asked the Jade Emperor.

‘The water in the river was so clean that I had to have a bath on the way,’ explained the dog.

His reward was to have the eleventh year named after him.

Now there was one place left in the zodiac and the Emperor wondered when the last winner would come. He had nearly given up when he heard a grunt from the boar.

‘You took a long time to cross the river,’ said the Emperor to the boar.

‘I was hungry and stopped to eat,’ explained the boar. ‘After the meal I felt so tired that I fell asleep.’

‘You have still done well,’ said the Jade Emperor. ‘The last year of the zodiac will be named after you.’

As for the cat who had been pushed into the water by the rat, he finally crawled out of the water but was too late to have a year named after him. He felt very cross with the rat and since then cats have never been friends with rats.

From that day to this the Chinese Zodiac has followed this cycle of years named after these twelve animals.”

The story is thanks to Topmarks education website for children. Use their calculator to work out the Chinese zodiac animal you are born under.

Soooooo – Happy New Year!!! I hope yours is full of love, peace, joy and prosperity.

I am me with all my foibles quirks and oddities.

That is why I came here.

“You have to sell the positive” I was told when writing my biog for this website… but what about the pain and positives that are a part of who I am? – do we have to hide this? Who are we hiding it from? The pain is where we learn… what is the shame in this?

This is a westernised ideal that is now almost worldwide spread and is killing the spirit of who we really are.

This is the positive – Life is amazing AMAZING and this includes the pain… it’s where I find my truth. It is where I can let go of the deep-rooted illusion that lies within and this sets me free.

My Natural High

AfroHigh

I asked people on Sydenham Road, “What is Christmas?” This is what they had to say.

I did not get time to record myself on the film, but for those who are interested in my thoughts on Christmas, see below.

Merry Christmas everyone.

Christmas to me in the first instance triggers an anxiety. The erection of the tree tends to bring a hazy sense of nostalgia and my daughter’s excitement brings me joy. But if I was to speak from the heart, which is what I asked everyone else in this film to do, it is a time of unease: where will I spend it, the finance and I give thought to those who were close to me that are no longer on this physical plane.

Love is always there 365 days of the year

I make chutney every year and give this to friends and family I see during the holiday period.

I appreciate that Christmas gives some people the opportunity to share love, to give gifts, express gratitude, peace and good wishes… to rest and spend time with family.

What is Christmas to you?